4 Lies We’re Tempted to Believe When We’re Suffering

One of the most difficult parts of suffering is feeling like no one understands. In many cases, others don’t understand. You can meticulously recount every detail of what happened and still fail to convey the turmoil inside. People often do not know how to respond, and even well-meaning friends reach for the wrong words. When the people closest to us cannot grasp our suffering, we can begin to withdraw, isolating ourselves from the ones who love us. Alone in the depths of despair, clinging to truth may feel especially difficult. Our minds, clouded with sorrow, are tempted to believe lies about ourselves or our God. If you know this struggle, my prayer is that as you come to name these lies, hope would break through—that whatever you are facing, you would experience the truth of Christ’s promises and the comfort of His presence in the darkest night. Lie #1: “I Was Not Grateful Enough” When my own life began to unravel, my mind got stuck on one phrase. The question I kept crying into my pillow, steering wheel, and husband’s chest was, “Was I not grateful enough?” In some ways, it felt like such an odd thing to say. The losses came out of nowhere, all at once, and none of them were consequences of anything I had done. But what I meant by my question was, “Why would God take away those good gifts—ones I praised Him for and used for His glory—for no reason?” My mind knew that God’s blessings were never dependent on my worthiness, yet my heart could not stop trying to figure out what I had done wrong. Without meaning to, I began subconsciously viewing my relationship with God as a transaction: If I had offered the right amount of gratitude, perhaps I would have been protected from my suffering. This feeling intensified as the trials increased. I understood the idea of good and bad seasons. But I was not prepared for the bad season to become our normal. As I wrestled with the Lord, I turned to the book of Job. Job’s life was full of abundance. He was rich in family, resources, and integrity (Job 1:1–10). When Satan questions whether Job’s faithfulness depends on his blessings, the Lord gives Satan power over everything Job owns (Job 1:9–12). The blows come quickly: His estate is destroyed, and his children are killed (Job 1:13–19). Before he can absorb one tragedy, another has already befallen him. This suffering was not a result of Job’s failure or a lack of gratitude. When he lost everything, he didn’t focus on his own performance. He worshiped God even in his grief, saying, “The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21). In my grief, could I say the same thing? Underneath the painful thought, “I was not grateful enough,” lies the belief that those blessings were somehow earned. Consequently, when those gifts are taken away, we can become overwhelmed by shame. In truth, we are merely stewards of the gifts God has given us, and we do not get to choose how long we keep them. Like Job, we can recognize that the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Whether we are walking through seasons of abundance or deep suffering, our response can be the same: Blessed be the name of the Lord. Lie #2: “I Should Have Done More” Just as suffering is not caused by a lack of gratitude, it is not the result of failing to make the “perfect” decision. When life falls apart, we often find ourselves trapped in the boggy ground of “If only” statements—If only I had spent more time with them, If only I had taken better care of myself, or If only I had made a different choice. We mentally retrace our steps, searching for the one pivot point that could have changed everything. Life offers no shortage of chances to feel regret. We are responsible for our choices, and we should be “as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves” in making them (Matthew 10:16). But we are not all-knowing or all-powerful. Even the most prudent among us will make the wrong choice at some point—whether sinful or not. Being unable to prevent something does not mean you caused it. But even when suffering does trace back to our own sin, God’s grace holds. Yet walking in righteousness does not mean we can anticipate or prevent the malice of others. We see this in the life of Joseph. Even though he walked in the way of the Lord and was beloved by his father (Genesis 37:3), he was sold into slavery by his brothers (Genesis 37:28, 36). Rather than fixating on what might have gone differently, Joseph was faithful on the path where God placed him, choosing righteousness over sin. In Genesis 50:20, Joseph even comes to forgive his brothers, saying, “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result—the survival of many people.” Instead of thinking, I should have done more, Joseph says, Behold what God has done. Scripture assures us that “all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). This does not mean that the painful trials we face are inherently good. It means that whether our devastation comes from our own failures or from the sins of others, the Lord remains sovereign over our lives. Our past, present, and future are always held securely in His hands. This truth is supremely demonstrated in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, who suffered despite perfect obedience. As the only truly sinless person to ever live, He never made a wrong decision, yet He was falsely accused, betrayed by a friend, and put to death (Isaiah 53:9; 1 Peter 2:22). His crucifixion was the greatest injustice in history, yet it fulfilled God’s good plan to provide eternal life for people from every nation (Isaiah 53:10). We could never have earned this love, yet Jesus invites us to set down our mistakes, regrets, and hurt and receive the fullness of life in Him (John 10:10). Lie #3: “I Am Forsaken” “LORD, why do you reject me? Why do you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 88:14) “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?” (Psalm 22:1, NIV) Grief is disorienting, and these words of Scripture reflect the deep pain of a wounded heart. Even if we have time to prepare for a loss or difficult circumstance, our hearts, minds, and bodies still struggle to process it. Once the shock of grief wears off, bitterness and anger can set in. We may begin by fixating on our own shame and guilt, but we may then move to accusing God of being absent amid our suffering. For believers, suffering feels uniquely personal. It is hard not to read our hardship as a shift in our relationship with God. Even those who do not follow the Lord often perceive this tension and use it as a point of mockery—making an already bad situation worse. David speaks directly to this feeling in Psalm 42:3, crying out, “My tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, ‘Where is your God?’” His soul yearns for God, yet his turmoil leaves him feeling forgotten (Psalm 42:9). Centuries later, Christ Himself endured similar taunts while on the cross as onlookers questioned if God had truly left Him (Matthew 27:41–44). Soon after, Jesus cries the words of Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). Christians differ on whether Jesus experienced a literal separation from the Father, but this cry is widely regarded as the pinnacle of His lament. As theologian John Piper puts it, Jesus is “expressing the horrors of abandonment.”1 When we feel forsaken by God, we can turn our eyes to this moment. On the cross, Jesus bore the wrath of God, enduring the physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering we deserved so that we would never have to (Isaiah 53:3–6). Because of Christ’s sacrifice, we can trust that no matter how great our anguish, God will not abandon us. Lie #4: “God Does Not Love Me” One night, unable to sleep from sorrow, I opened Psalm 42. Tears streamed down my face as I read Psalm 42:8: “The LORD will send his faithful love by day; his song will be with me in the night—a prayer to the God of my life.” I was not crying because I was comforted by the words. My heart was aching because they did not feel true. It is painful to suffer when no one seems to understand. It is worse to feel that God sees your pain and does not care. It is easy to trust in God’s loving sovereignty when life goes smoothly—when a healthy child is born, a new career opportunity opens up, or danger is averted. But what happens to your core beliefs about Him when your life begins to come apart at the seams? We see this in Job’s wife. As Job sits among ashes and scrapes painful boils on his skin with broken pottery, his wife—in her own grief and anger—says, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:8–9). Rather than denying God’s existence, Job’s wife held Him responsible for their anguish, succumbing to the falsehood that the Lord did not care for them. Job recognizes this as a foolish response, telling her, “Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?” (Job 2:10). Though we may not utter the words of Job’s wife, our hearts may resonate with her intent, feeling angry at God, believing He does not love us. Describing an affliction he suffered in Asia, the Apostle Paul wrote, “We were completely overwhelmed—beyond our strength—so that we even despaired of life itself” (2 Corinthians 1:8). Yet, in the same letter, Paul also says, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9, ESV, emphasis added). Christ’s love remains steadfast even when your sorrows become so severe and disorienting that you begin to lose sight of the truth. When you feel overwhelmed by hurt and anger, God is not indifferent to your suffering. Jesus loved you so much He died for you (John 3:16), and in Him, nothing will be able to separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:31–39). Conclusion: Where Real Comfort Comes From When processing my own sorrow with my mom, I said, “I feel like a part of me died.” She didn’t tell me it could be worse or call my statement dramatic. She said, “I know that feeling, too. And I am so sorry.” Because of the suffering she has experienced, my mom was able to comfort me in a way others could not. How much more, then, does this hold true for our Savior? You may feel like no one understands your suffering, but Jesus does. Second Corinthians 1:3–5 says: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction . . . For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. Scripture reminds us in Isaiah 53:3 that Christ “was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (ESV). Though He experienced deep rejection, we find hope in Hebrews 12:2, which notes that Jesus “endured the cross, despising the shame” because of “the joy that was set before him,” and He is now “seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (ESV). There are some wounds so deep we will carry them for the rest of our lives here on earth. But because of Christ’s victory, we can endure our own trials in hope, knowing they are not forever. One day, what is broken will be mended; what is dead will be resurrected. Jesus will return to His people and “wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore” (Revelation 21:4). The clouds of sorrow will disperse, and all the lies we were once tempted to believe will fade “in the light of His glory and grace.”2 Until then, God invites us to cling to the truth that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). If you liked this article, check out the related resources linked below! Notes: 1. John Piper, “My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me? Didn’t Jesus Already Know?,” Desiring God, March 1, 2016, www.desiringgod.org/interviews/my-god-my-god-why-have-you-forsaken-me-didnt-jesus-already-know. 2. Helen H. Lemmel, “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus,” in Hymns to the Living God, ed. Scott Aniol (Religious Affections Ministries, 2017), 313, www.hymnary.org/text/o_soul_are_you_weary_and_troubled. Author Bio Grace Ritz is a Staff Writer for The Daily Grace Co.® and holds an MDiv from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. She is passionate about helping others see God’s sovereign plan to bring beauty from brokenness. In her spare time, she enjoys traveling, reading, and spending time with her husband, Tim, and their dog, Biscuit. Related Resources: Job Bible Study Between Grief and Glory | Digital Study Gospel Hope in Grief and Loss Loading price… Loading price… Loading price… Add to Cart Add to Cart Add to Cart